Saturday, August 1, 2009

Extreme Apartment Makeover

Originally Posted 6-20-08

After seeing the colors that were used in the past—blood red, apocalyptic purple, underwater aquamarine—this yellow isn't actually all that scary. If this color descended over the Manhattan skies, I would suggest heading to New Jersey, tout de suite. This may be one of a few times I would suggest going there. The other reasons being "cheaper, full-serve gas stations," and "tax-free clothing shopping."

While I'm okay with the background, the picture of the all-out spoonfest is a bit disturbing. Part of this is because I'm not nearly as touchy-feely with my friends as they are with each other. I get it, they're close. I just don't spoon my friends.

I wonder the circumstances at the photo shoot that made it stray from girl-boy-girl-boy-girl-boy. If your eye went from right-to-left, like mine did for whatever reason, then you see that it works that way until we get to Rachel and Monica.

Chandler, driven by guilt, replaces everything that was taken from the apartment. Why he didn't do this earlier is a bit of a mystery. True, he's probably buried in credit debt now, but you would think he would have slowly bought some essentials, before having a reason to get guilted into it.

I would say that if you're trying to avoid complete financial ruin, and you're filling an entire apartment, you should probably limit the microwave count to the number of kitchens. If you live in a big fancy place with multiple kitchens, then, yes, you would need multiple microwaves.

Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't see the need for two microwaves within two feet of each other.

The point's moot, because they later traded apartments with Monica and Rachel the boys won a bet. I've yet to find out what the microwave situation is now. Two apartments, three microwaves. Where's the extra one? I imagine they would have left the one mounted under the cabinets, but you never know.

By this time, George Pataki had served as governor of New York for three full years. Someone still loves Mario Cuomo immensely to make sure his poster stays up.

After finishing his box of Love That Crunch, Joey went out and bought the real stuff. Cap'n Crunch. Why not use the same box of Love That Crunch? We've already seen the box. Someone had to design it make one, and for what? So that they can just turn around and use a box available in any supermarket?

Monica and Rachel are also boosters of Quaker Oats, to the point where they proudly display the company's eponymous product. Come to think of it, I think that has always been there. I wonder what the connection between Warner Bros. and Quaker Oats is. I also wonder why it took me so long to realize it.

Quaker Oats doesn't have an outright stranglehold on product placement on Friends, because Yoo-hoo has been seen—granted, not as much as the end of Season Three. What's interesting—to me, anyway—is that Yoo-hoo was later sold to Cadbury-Schweppes, which for reasons made unclear, meant that Snapple was in charge of Yoo-hoo's marketing and advertising.

That wasn't until 2001, though. I don't think I've seen a Snapple commercial in five years. These were the people put in charge of marketing Yoo-hoo, a product for which I don't think I've seen a commercial for in twenty years.

Chandler likes it, though, so I guess it's cool.

On second thought, anyone living in a swank two-microwave apartment should know better not to leave with that kind of hairstyle.

After recently getting away with taking a cat into Central Perk, Phoebe ups the ante a bit and brings in a puppy. While, roughly the same size as a cat, puppies are more prone to crap whenever they feel the need.

The management does not bat an eye at the puppy being brought in, or at the idea of a crapping machine being brought in. Feces isn't a problem with Central Perk.

Nor is sleeping. You can just come in and fall asleep on the couch if you feel like it. You'd think this place would attract more hobos.

You can also wear a hat that has the word "BITCH" written on it. Families be damned.

I'm pretty sure there was a time when you couldn't say "bitch" on prime time TV. "Ass," too. Now you can. When did that change?

I'm not asking as one of those easily offended people who have the FCC on speed dial. I'm not one of those people who says "In my day, we didn't use that word, because we had respect."

Obviously things eased for a bit. Prime example, Charles Rocket got fired from Saturday Night Live in 1981 for saying "fuck." In 1997, Norm Macdonald said "fuck," and nothing happened.

That's different, that's SNL.

Point being, I want dates. Anyone know when it was okay to say "bitch" or "ass" on prime time TV? My guess: 1994. I have a good feeling about that year. I think 1994 was The Year of the Bitch Ass. Oddly enough, it was the Chinese Year of the Dog. If only it were to be recognized as the Year of the Female Mule elsewhere, that would be pretty cool.

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